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I’m officially a little freaked out!

I received a message from a man on POF this morning. That is nothing new or freak out worthy. That being said, I almost always view the profile of someone who messages me, regardless if I feel there is potential or not. I’m a curious creature, what can I say? So, I skim through the profile and then select the profile pictures. Imagine my surprise when this guy’s second photo is……. A PICTURE OF MY HOUSE!!!! It’s blurry and looks like it was taken from across the street, but it is definitely my house. What’s weirder still is that this picture was not taken recently as the leaves on the trees had yet to fall or turn colour.

My only explanation is that my new neighbor who just bought the house across the way (about 3 months ago) thought they would message me after recognizing me. Still, WTF???? I reported this user for being creepy or weird and specifically noted that this man had a photo of MY HOME as his second profile picture. Not really sure what this will achieve, but I didn’t know what else to do. Talking to someone who messages you while having a picture of your house as their profile picture can’t be a good idea, even if it is to ask why….. Yeah, a little freaked out…..

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A crazy question

Just when I thought things were getting all normal up in here… Thank you POF for reminding me that there’s no such thing as normal. It seems the crazies just took a brief, couple day hiatus to regroup and come up with some new approaches. I present you with exhibit a:

Mr.Taz: Hey there good looking…. I have a bit of a crazy question… Do you ever like put on and use a strap on?

Me: Only every single day!

Now, I have to say, I was tempted to tell him I had a big, black, fist shaped one that I was saving just for him, but I thought that might encourage him even more. He did reply asking if this was sarcasm then proceeded to ask me what color mine was. *sigh*

 

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You, Sir, are a douche

Motorcycle helmet wearing douchbag: You look like Jennifer Connelly

Me: You look like……I have no idea, you have 60% of your face covered. What’s up with that?

Douchebag: They say Channing Tatum…. Or evil Knievel… lol

Just for reference here, I dare say the difference is glaring…. Just sayin’

channing tatum evel_knievel240

 

Me: I don’t really listen much to what “they” say. I like to be the judge of that myself.

Douchebag: Text me and see

Me: No, I think I’m good. If you were a normal person you’d have photos on here and you’d be showing your face. My best guess is that you’re married or dating someone and don’t want to be recognized. Or you have something to hide like grotesque teeth or god knows what…

Douchebag: I am married your right

Ugh! Why? I just don’t understand. Why do people get married if they’re just going to end up on dating sites trying to get a piece on the side? It’s not like someone is holding a gun to your head saying you must say “I DO” or your life will be over.

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Public service announcement

A few months back I was browsing POF and came across a profile that I can only describe as slightly terrifying. This was the profile of a 39 yr old man, average looking, has children, in a relationship already, looking for “friends” and wants to dominate you…. Wait, what?!! Yes, please join my alternative lifestyle and be my new sub. This profile was complete with pictures of the “dungeon” and a link to his website. Sir Stone, as he is called on his site, has a family where he is head of the household and founded said site. Beneath him there are several other members of this so-called family who are either doms that “own” various members of said family or subs who are owned or are free to be owned, I guess.

While I am in no way shocked by this lifestyle, nor do I judge such things, I really don’t think that a dating site is the right place to enlist new members for your group. I mean, he had pictures of his dungeon, complete with a BDSM cross and his ummm, tools of the trade. Let me just show you:

tools of the trade cross

Yes, these are the ACTUAL photos. Now, I have to hand it to him, at least he was open and up front about the whole thing. That was until I received a message from this guy about a week ago and all traces of said site, lifestyle, and proclivities has been removed!! I can only tell you that I am thankful that this man is not my type physically and had I not seen this profile when it was first created, I still would not have replied.

That being said, can you imagine if I had been attracted to him and not had the benefit of having viewed the original profile? On paper he has everything I would normally look for: kids, lives close enough (in my town), job, shared interest in photography (we both get paid for this), single, and so on. It wouldn’t be a stretch to suggest that it could have been a distinct possibility. We would meet for coffee or a drink of some kind and perhaps arrange another meeting. This follow-up meeting would occur, he possibly invites me back to his place and now I’m led into the red room of pain where he proceeds to offer to tie me to the cross and give me a nice flogging to relax me. *shudder*

Consider this a warning to anyone in the GTA and East. If a man by the name of Preston (I won’t give you his profile name as even this dude deserves a modicum of privacy) fitting the above description asks you back for a nightcap, think twice. Better yet, send me an email and I’ll let you know if he is indeed one and the same.

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B list is better

I was browsing the fish market this morning while relaxing and sipping some coffee and came across a profile of a man in the meet me section of POF. The photo was super hot yet strangely familiar. Now, it should be stated that my process of elimination with regard to potential matches is to find an initial physical attraction and then eliminate or not based on the profile. I DO NOT go on looks alone EVER, even in the hot or not, meet me or not sections that are geered towards knee jerk reactions.

So, back to the photo…. Strangely familiar and hot. I click on the profile, look at the other photos, and scan over the profile details. 33, divorced, and lives in my town. In his first date section:

Coffee? Sex? Drinks? You name it.

Ugh! Typical. And I’m back to the photos and now figuring out why he looks so familiar. It’s Christopher Pine! This dip shit has posted a picture of Chris Pine as a representation of himself. Wait, it gets better! His other photos are of Liam Hemsworth! Bad enough he’s used one celebrity photo and tried to pass it off as himself, but he has used two different celebrites. They’re not even the same people. At this point I couldn’t help myself and had to send this guy a message on the spot.:

My god, you really must think that women are stupid. First of all, if you’re going to pass off celebrity photos as a representation of yourself you might want to start with a little less known ones, not Liam Hemsworth and Chris Pine. Secondly, don’t use 2 different people! Epic fail for you, sir! Truly epic….

Men, while I do not in any way condone this type of thing, if you’re going to attempt to pass off another’s photos as your own, do yourself a favour and don’t use A list actors. We know who these peolple are and recognize them on the spot. B list and lower guys. And even then…

But really, just post a photo of yourself. What good is it going to do you to post pics of someone else when you actually meet these women? You don’t think they might notice that you’re, in fact, NOT Chris Pine? And if you are compelled to misrepresent yourself, chances are that you’re probably really insecure and look nothing like either of these men or even passibly half decent. Lets try working on that first, hmmm? Don’t you want a woman to be interested in YOU because you are indeed their type and what they are looking for?

Does no one want anything genuine anymore? Sheesh! I’m disappointed Mr Chris/Liam wannabe. Truly….

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I finally did it

Oops, guess I’ve been neglectful of this new space. But, I am back and with news.

After 4 1/2 months of this online dating thing I finally did it: I bit the bullet and met someone in person. I know! Crazy, right? I will refer to this man as “The Brit” going forward. I’m sure you can guess the reason for the name choice.

The Brit turned out to be a gentleman and very pleasant. I found him on Plenty of Fish, surprisingly. That place tends to be more of a hook up, meat market than anything else. We met for coffee at around 8pm on my only day off last week. I enjoyed our meeting enough to schedule a second meeting and that too was very nice as well. That led to a 3rd and here we are at present day.

So what is the problem, you might be asking? Why do I not sound more enthused? It’s really nothing I can quite put my finger on except to say that I’m just not feeling “the spark”; that thing which makes your heart flutter in a meaningful way, that bit of excitement when your phone goes off and indicates you have a text waiting and it could be him. The most I can awknowledge that he gave rise to was really nothing more than a biological need, a desire to connect with another human being after a long absense of such. *sigh* That being said, I’m not a jerk and will not write off a perfectly decent guy simply because of that. However, I think we all know that if the feeling isn’t there from the beginning, it’s not likely to develop down the road.

For now I will simply let things play out as they may. I foresee an awkward conversation in my future wherein I feel like a huge jerk because I’m just not feeling it. I will, of course, put on my big girl panties and get it done, but oh how I hate the thought of being that guy. 

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Dating tips from junior

Gimme a call 905-***-**** you are my new friend

I know that making friends will never be the same nor as easy as it was when you were 5, but is this what is passing for making one’s acquaintance these days? In fact, I’m pretty sure this is how you made friends when you were 5. “Hi, I like your dress! You’re my best friend!”  However, this message is brought to you by a 44 year old man. A man who is separated and apparently has children of his own. After receiving this I can only surmise that he has been out of the dating world for so long he has resorted to asking junior for advice on picking up women…